This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. Recently, Melinda has insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart (to make up for lost "date nights"). Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Melinda is like most women... she loves to browse. Yesterday she received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs. Bedwell,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Bedwell are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of apple juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the anti-depressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
Regards,
Tom Richards
Wal-Mart Manager
Dear Mrs. Bedwell,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Bedwell are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of apple juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the anti-depressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
Regards,
Tom Richards
Wal-Mart Manager
Just kidding, someone posted this on one of my Mountainbike forums and I thought it was funny. And for the record. We do not shop Wal-Mart (except for gas--- you know, if you use the gas card, you get 3 cents off per gallon... plus it's mostly North American oil as opposed to mid-east and South-American).... anyways, we don't shop wal-mart except for last ditch efforts... we try to buy local 1st, then small buisness, then bigger buisness... you get the picture...
Hope all is well with you guys... oh, and fair warning... I feel a big, smarty-pants political RANT coming soon... so keep an eye out.
Later,
Scott
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3 comments:
Really? Cuz we heard Melinda got banned from Wal-Mart for all the returning she likes to do!
Hey now... that only happened once... in Foley Alabama when Ethan was a baby... and she didn't get banned, she was just told that she couldn't return anything else for the rest of the year (I think this was in July or Augus...) so guess who had the pleasure (not) of returning things... She's not near as bad as she was back then (at any store, not just wally world)... I think it boils down to A.D.D. and/or O.C.D.... (which are both related as symptoms of other things like depression, bi-polar, and schizzo-affective disorders... of those, Melinda only flirts with depression... and a lot of it after Ethan was born)... yeah, she couldn't make up her mind on things or would have the kid(s) with her and didn't want to fuss with trying things on so she would by the variety, get home and spend a day or few to figure out which items would fit, or fit the need... then she would promplty return the remaining items (with tags/wraps intact)... I'm not saying that I advocated it, but I could understand where she was coming from.
BTW,Jessie, I'm glad that you're not offended by my anti-Wal Mart sentiments... you know, with Ryan being employed by THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS AND ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH.
Wink, wink!!!
It's a double edged sword... I really don't judge anyone for shopping or working for wally world. It is our charge as parents and custodians to live frugally and to manage our assets efficiently and what a better way to do that than shopping for the lowest prices (not to mention the conviences of 1 stop shopping...) I get it... but all that at the expense of others livelyhood... not to mention that wal mart was a more viable(in my opinion) option when they supported American industry as opposed to China (and other countries with questionable work force ethics). Besides, with coupons and a little extra effort, you can find WAY better savings outside of Wally world...
I'm just sayin'
I hadn't shopped at Wal-Mart for over a year before he got this job. And I made him take it. If the Devil's paying the bills, I guess I'm for sale. Come visit and we'll teach you the cheer. Gimme a "W!"
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