Letter from Wal-Mart

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will. Recently, Melinda has insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart (to make up for lost "date nights"). Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Melinda is like most women... she loves to browse. Yesterday she received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Bedwell,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Bedwell are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of apple juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the anti-depressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
Regards,

Tom Richards
Wal-Mart Manager

Just kidding, someone posted this on one of my Mountainbike forums and I thought it was funny. And for the record. We do not shop Wal-Mart (except for gas--- you know, if you use the gas card, you get 3 cents off per gallon... plus it's mostly North American oil as opposed to mid-east and South-American).... anyways, we don't shop wal-mart except for last ditch efforts... we try to buy local 1st, then small buisness, then bigger buisness... you get the picture...

Hope all is well with you guys... oh, and fair warning... I feel a big, smarty-pants political RANT coming soon... so keep an eye out.

Later,

Scott

NON-COMMITAL

Scott has really been at me to write a blog lately (my first) and something he asked me last night stuck. He asked what my favorite movies were- they are not all the same as his. Well, I thought for awhile and have come up with a list but before I blog this it comes with a disclaimer: I have not actually sat through that many movies w/o falling asleep(the usual), getting up and doing something else, or just not being interested enough in a particular film to spend seven bucks to see it. I really hate the 2 hr. commitment required to watch a movie. Give me Law and Order or The Closer any day -1 hr is a commitment even I can handle! I actually slept through most of a Star Wars movie- only woke up during the fight scenes- in a theater with surround sound! I am now being treated for my narcolepsy so that doesn't happen very often but my attention span is rather short (still) and there are lots of things to be doing. Alot of these movies are from a younger age and the ratings and/or content may be questionable but here's what I like/d and in no particular order of preference
Willy Wonka : I loved Gene Wilder in this -sort of creepy, definitely strange, and very honest,at least about human nature.
It's A Wonderful Life : maybe I need to watch it now in light of all the turmoil in the world, it is full of hope.
Harold and Maude: I know the concept of a young, rich, nihilist falls in love w/ a life loving geriatric is weird (and kinda gross) but it really was a positive affirmation about life (even though Maude purposefully o.d.'s on her 80th) and the soundtrack is great--Cat Stevens before he renounced his music and became a Muslim.
Tender Mercies:Robert DuVall in a very understated performance about change and redemption from the perspective of a sober alcoholic country music singer.
Red Rock West: I saw this a long time ago(1992) but I remember really liking it. Nicholas Cage and some crazy identity mix up w/ lots of strange characters.
Short Cuts: speaking of strange characters, this was out around the same time. It probably has some really horrible language and sex in it but I just like all the character developments. Based on the short works of Raymond Carver if I'm not mistaken.
Crash: this was a very powerful movie. So deep and so in your face honest-it was sometimes hard to watch. I would love to recommend it to even younger people but the language- the "f" word in particular prevents that.
Mumford: we just watched this on cable the other night. We both really liked this tale of finding yourself, even when you aren't really who you say you are. It was another one of those ensemble casts I'm so crazy about, also about love, hope and redemption
Raising Arizona, Tootsie, Spinal Tap : I love to laugh.
I really enjoy those football movies like Remember the Titans, Invincible, Rudy, and that new one w/ Ice Cube about the girl football player ;those underdog stories get me every time. There have been other films that I've enjoyed watching w/ the kids: Zorro, Fried Green Tomatoes, A River Runs Through It , and even The Birds:the kids loved these movies.
To Kill A Mockingbird; a classic (both book and film) too bad we don't have more Atticus Fitches in the world today.
So this is a working list and does not include those previously mentioned in our opening profile.
This is dedicated to you, Scott, because I can always talk to you and you'll get what I mean, usually anyway. Next topic please! Love, MOMO

miscellaneous

Yep, here's that random post which combines snips of a lot of things that I've been meaning to "blog" about but haven't made time to do it yet.

1. My folks visited a while back. It was just after school started (I think). I'd been bugging them and bugging them to come up and finally they did (actually Dad had been up a couple times for bike trips or a canoe trip, Mom just hadn't been up in a while... yes, it's way past time for us to pay them a visit... we will, we will.) Well, when they got here, we hung out, ate, went to a movie, did fun "visiting" type stuff. After they acclimated for a day or two, we decided to take them "Out"... you know, to do FUN stuff... so we drove them a little more than an hour away to this real cool place called "Rock Town"... it's on top of Pigeon Mountain which is a mountain plateau that parallels (on the south side) Lookout Mountain-- Chattanooga (but still in Georgia).

It was a nice visit, here's proof:

Oh yeah, we had to hike a mile from the parking lot out to where the rocks were, it wasn't a bad hike though, here's my Mom and the gimp (Dad has a partial knee replacement, jacked up back and he can't raise his right arm due to a pending shoulder replacement... we still love him though and he's one heck of a trouper!) Oh, Yeah!!! My girl got some climbing skillz!!! Not sure why she decided not to smile though.
Here's a shot of one of the part monkey, part mountain goat, part cheetah that we've been raising for about 10 years now... He can climb just about anything.
Just like big brother right?
Funny thing about these cracks in the rocks... some of them only had 20 ft. drops, others dropped for 40, 50, or 60 feet... I'm not particularly afraid of heights, I just get a little nervous when my dad and my son jump back and forth across these things trying to scare me... ask Dad how that turned out for him the next time you see him... (he made it across one that he almost didn't get back across... yup, he almost took a fall... probably would've been his last).
This is a really cool place and no pictures could do it justice. You just have to go there.
Melinda and Mom chill a bit while Macho man flexes for the camera.
After a nice visit with the rocks, it's time to head back to the car. As you can see from this picture, everyone was energized and ready for our next adventure.
It was a good visit and I'm very thankful that my parents are game to so many of my shenanigans. I'm already planning their next visit. Dad says downhill mountain biking is out of the question ever since the incident on the Pinhoti trail (between Ellijay and Fort Mountain) last year. So,..... I guess it's going to have to be hang gliding instead!!

2. Let's see, I already told you about the Canoe trip, so I think next we went to Ginger's for Jonathan's birthday (he turned 12 and was ordained a Deacon). You can catch highlights from this on Ginger's Blog. Here's a couple pics. It was a nice visit... We took the kids on a stroll through the Bamboo Forest in Prattville, AL. (just down the road from the High School that I graduated from--- I only lived there my senior year... it was o.k.)
I learned a valuable lesson on that visit. That lesson is this: If I ever intend to play cards with Dad and Blake (Gingers Husband) again, then I must acquire a prescription for Valium or Xanax for me and/or for them. They figured out how to push my buttons that night... It had been a stressful week and I was sleep deprived as usual... 'Nuff said.

Moving on:
3. Kittens... I may have mentioned that we have kittens... actually we got them mid to late June, but I'm finally posting about them... We had a cat named Spike-tail that we got when Stanton was a baby... he was a cool cat... half Manx/half something else... purely and outside cat... a mouser... Well, long story-short... he got poisoned by the tainted Chinese cat food, ended up with liver failure and died last October (I think)... he's buried in the woods beside our house. Here's a picture of "Spike". Looks thrilled to be held, right?
Yeah, I know I said he was an outside cat, but every once in a while, he'd scram inside while we were fixing him some fresh water, but he lived 98% of his live "Guarding" our home. We'll miss him. So, about these new kittens, they're actually looking more likes cats now. Their names are Bootsie and Aloe. Brothers, but look like they're from different families. These cats are curious!!! They are hilarious too. They've been in/out cats lately, but as soon as we get their family jewels removed, they'll be full blown OUTSIDE cats. Ever hear the phrase "Who let the cat out of the bag?" Bootsie is the one in the bag, Aloe is just guarding the entrance. Here's a little bit of footage of what they do many times a day and every night from 10:45 to 11:45 like clockwork: (the footage is from when they were quite younger ):

No, we're not what I would call "Cat People"... you know, folks who eat, sleep, breath "Cats"... and I don't think that we smell like Cat Pee either.. you know the kind I'm talking about... Stereotypically they are single women in the 40 to 80 year age group who only go out to buy more cat food and kitty litter. Our kittens are DANG CUTE though.... gotta admit it.

4. Stanton's Birthday! Turned out to be a pretty big ordeal. I think we last counted close to 40 people (probably 2/3 kids). We were running our usual 1 1/2 hours late, but with the help of some of our early guests (thanks to the Giles, Yandows, Campbells and anyone else I may have forgotten to mention), it came together nicely. We grilled hot dogs, Conecuh sausage, chicken, and pork shoulder/Boston butt (slow cooked/pulled pork style)... with usual side items and finished it all off with Melinda's Famous Chocolate Cake with Chocolate Mousse filling and Ganache Icing. Stanton and the rest of the kids had a good time, as did the Adults (me too)... before it was all over, I had some of the men on Melinda's and my mountain bikes roaring up and down our trails... I think Todd Campbell and Jorge Bueno even rode on the teeter-totter that we built on the trail (one of our "intermediate" rated stunts)... Maybe for my birthday in November I can have all my friends come over and ride bikes again!!! Here are a few pictures from Stanton's celebration: Yes, that is in our garage... how classy of us.
I think the cats were the only ones who didn't enjoy the evening. Thank you for everyone who came, we enjoyed it... after living here for more than 2 years, we finally had guests over and the house didn't burn down after all. We did miss our friends and relatives who were not able to join us in the festivities... maybe you folks can make the next one.

Well, I'm running out of time and thoughts. See y'all soon (hopefully).

Later,

Scott (and Melinda if she ever decides to "Blog") Bedwell